Leprosy: Lesions and respiratory effects, what's not to love Vancouver?

The International Office of Epizootics has declared the armadillo as being the only other living creature, besides humans, to contract Leprosy. A new reason for me to fear armadillos is here! The armored insectivore has yet to make the North American Trek to Vancouver or even Canada for that matter, but a rare and unusual coincidence has occurred this past weekend…

A crew member aboard an Olympic personnel ship was diagnosed with the chronic disease by health officials on Friday. The ship, docked at a Vancouver’s city harbor, housed police and Canadian Forces serving at the 2010 Games. The crew member who remains unnamed, reportedly did not come in contact with any passengers, as he worked primarily in the engine room.

Everyone aboard the ship was tested and no one else has contracted the disease — yet. But the disease could still spread, although the risk is low. However, the infected crew member is reported to be on his way back home.

The feeling that I was missing out on a tremendous event in Canadian history has somewhat simmered since the commencement of the 2010 Games. And now the petite wish to physically be in Vancouver has completely vanished.

However, I think being out west right now would be better than having to sit through “I Believe” commercials and hear the cheesy “I Believe” song. And don’t get me started on the ridiculousness of Olympic athletes (who have little to no body fat), promoting MacDonald’s and Coca-Cola...? Yes, a fast food chain does make the most sense to be an official sponsor to a world wide event that is not only sport-based but is all consumed by Sporty Spices.

Whatevs, “Go Canada Go!” Patriotism is so in right now, don’tcha know?!

Grammy’s: A night full of glitz, tits and glamour

The 52nd Annual Grammy Awards took over network television last night. Beyonce Knowles was the lead nominee up for 10 awards. Taylor Swift was close behind with eight nominations. Knowles grabbed six awards, including song of the year for “Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)”, the most to be won by a female performer in a single event. Swift did not go unnoticed as she won the coveted album of the year category, at the age of 20 she is now the youngest to win this award. And rounding out the top awards was Kings of Leon, who stole the record of the year category for “Use Somebody.”

Performance Rundown

The 3-D tribute to Michael Jackson performed the most unusual collaboration of artists—Jennifer Hudson, Carrie Underwood, Usher, Smokey Robinson, and Celine Dion...? While most of the crowd was watching the show designed for Jackson’s This Is It Tour with 3-D glasses, it begs to wonder if they were watching the performers. Usher Raymond was showboating and performing with over-the-top dramatics. Celine Dion stood there looking pretty and French in her bedazzled gown. The best in show had to be Hudson who not only looked good with her post baby figure, but also belted out a memorable verse of Jackson’s hit “Earth Song.”

“Blame it (On the Alcohol)” was performed by Jamie Foxx and company. Decked out in questionable attire, Foxx led his hit single starting out as an opera performance. The conductor of the “orchestra” was revealed later to be T-Pain. Slash, the big-haired guitarist from Guns ’n’ Roses, came in with the solo from “November Rain.” This definitely upped the cool factor for Foxx’s song about drinking vodka and bagging the ladies. Jay-Z, who is openly against audio tune, was on his feet during the performance. Foxx ended it with apologizing to Jay-Z for the audio tune. Hey Foxx, why did you apologize for a song that made your whole album?

Pink, dressed head to toe in a white hooded gown, performed her song “Glitter in the Air.” Halfway through the performance I was thinking, “Wow, Beyonce could take a note from Pink. She is always so over exposed, but look at Pink she is the epitome of class right here…” and then Pink sheds her gown! After her strip down, revealing a skin tight body suit, she goes for the trapeze theatrics once again. Flying high and singing along, Pink then gets dipped into a pool of unknown liquid, which was spun and spewed onto members of the crowd. I guess you’ve made it when no one complains that you just spewed crap all over them.

The most interesting point of the night, for me, had to be Taylor Swift and Stevie Nicks. The simplicity was a breath of fresh air from all the circus and opera antics. However, Swift, the new teen queen, did not respect her elder, who happens to be a music icon. Swift’s voice overpowered Nicks' at various times throughout the performance, which just seemed blasphemous to me. Stevie Nicks should have been the centre with Swift being the back-up singer, not the other way around. Does respect for seniority mean nothing anymore?

Fashion Wise

Beyonce’s garb looked like it was designed by Mr. T who was just messing around with some chain-mail.

Ke$ha looked like she rolled out of the ditch, where she slept the night before. Her make-up was whack, not in the trendy, 80s sense, but in the way of “Why did you do your own make-up?” Who is her handler and are they on just as much drugs as she looks to be?

Katy Perry looked like an ice-skating pop princess…should of let that non-trend glide by Katy. The flesh coloured, body-suit-like bedazzled get up was juvenile and unfashionable, in my eyes anyway. Tonya Harding, on the other hand, probably would have killed Perry for her outfit.

Rihanna, seemed to play it fashionably safe in a white gown by Elie Saab. That is until she stood up and walked to accept the best rap collaboration award with Jay-Z. I think she took inspiration from the cockatoo bird.

To sum it up, I should have skipped the show and went to bed early as the show lasted a grueling three and half hours, ending at 11:30 p.m. Way too long and drawn out for me, so next year I will be catching the highlights on E!

(AP Photo/Matt Sayles)

Oh what I wouldn't give to be Heidi...Not!

Oops she did it again and again and again…until she was up to 10 plastic surgeries in one day. One day! Heidi Montag, the 23 year-old reality star of The Hills revealed where she’s been spending her funds nine weeks after recuperating from her latest endeavor, a DDD cup, among other procedures.

Montag claims that her new look is a “different, improved version,” of her old self. Yeah right. The only thing she has from her old self is her signature blond hair, and even that is fake I’m sure.

According to the New York Daily News, Montags to-do list included the following procedures:

o Mini brow lift
o Botox
o Rhinoplasty (nose job)
o Fat injections in her cheeks and lips
o Chin reduction
o Liposuction to her neck
o Ears pinned back
o Buttock augmentation
o Liposuction to her waist and thighs
o Breast augmentation revision.

Heidi can’t see what she has done to herself is horrendous, even with Spencer Pratt’s disagreement with her decisions. For once, I think celeb followers are on Pratt’s side, a rare and inconceivable thing—unless you’ve seen the latest photos of his wife, Heidi. Pratt can now proudly say that he is the better, and more real, half in their relationship.

In an interview with PEOPLE magazine Pratt said, "Anytime I hinted that it might be a little much or if I just asked if she was sure, I even felt like I was crossing lines. I'm not in charge of what she does with any part of her body. I'm her husband – not her owner."

WHAT?! Pratt, you are the only voice of reasoning that she might have listened to. And if not, you could have at least tried and held an intervention, right? I mean, now that would have made for great footage in the upcoming season of The Hills.

"Right after … it was the worst experience of my life. Nobody that loves a loved one should see that,” Pratt told PEOPLE. He’s right, Montag is only 23, but with her recent procedures she looks like she’s 45. She will become the Cat Lady of our generation—move over Jocelyn Wildenstein, there’s a hot new kitty in Tinseltown.

If you love someone set them free, if they come back it’s meant to be…pretty sure the Heidi that Pratt fell for will never be coming back. The only place she’s going back to is her plastic surgeon to buy her H cups.

How did the Golden Globes ever get on with out Ricky Gervais?

Sunday night was full of A-list stars as they walked the red carpet for the 67th Annual Golden Globe Awards held at the Beverly Hilton Hotel in the International ballroom. Including Julia Roberts, who I thought appeared to dip in the sauce a little too much what with her unusual behavior and body, uh, movements.

The extravagant event was hosted by Ricky Gervais. The Brit-comedian spared no one and no subject was too taboo for him. He had the whole ballroom laughing with his opening monologue. He talked about plastic surgery faces in the crowd, his penis and how he would rather be at home masturbating than hosting. In addition, he shamelessly plugged his DVDs and the Ricky Gervais Show to fill the time allotted to him. The time was two hours, and Gervais reportedly said no way to singing and dancing--doing as little as possible. However, once in a while he did manage to pick up a glass full of what I could only imagine was scotch, or bourbon, or some other manly drink.

The infamous violins cut a couple award acceptors speeches off. Thank god for some stars, like Drew Barrymore, who was on the verge of tears and made absolutely no sense repeating the same thing over and over…and over. The starlet is on my best-dressed list of the night, but unfortunately she also took the bumbling idiot award of the night too.

Monique, who won Best Supporting Actress, gave the most eloquent and thoughtful speech of the night, praising the good Lord himself for her success…really? God, was the one who had the performance of their career in Precious?

On the other end of the speech spectrum was the winner for Best Actor in a Comedy, Robert Downey, Jr. who thanked no one but himself, joking of course. His speech was well received, being it was towards the end of the night and the crowd was getting antsy to hear who would win Best Picture.

Winning Best Picture was James Cameron’s $240-million green-screen epic, Avatar—no surprise there. Jeff Bridges won the Best Actor in a motion picture category for the film Crazy Heart…which had me wondering is this movie even in theaters yet? All I know is T-Bone Burnett, the man behind the Johnny Cash biopic Walk The Line, had to do something with it. A good guess would be music no? Well who is this one about? Things that make you go hmmmmm…

There was no shortage of cracks regarding the NBC network controversy between late-night talk show hosts, Conan O’Brien and Jay Leno. All in good taste? It seems whatever keeps the night going and people from falling asleep gets the thumbs up.

The earthquake torn country of Haiti made an appearance at the awards too. Nicole Kidman encouraged stars and viewers to give whatever they could…I’m sure me giving a blanket will go further than Brad Pitts million dollars and Angelina adopting a Haitian. A presenter, whose name shall be forgotten since I lost my pen in the couch, had the sole purpose of bringing attention to George Clooney’s telethon this Friday at 8 p.m.

On to the good stuff: my best-dressed list. Kate Hudson took the number one slot with a white, wedding-like gown made by Marchesa. Rounding out the list was Cameron Diaz, January Jones of Mad Men, Taylor Lautner, Glenn Close, the former drug-addict Drew Barrymore, Marion Cotillard, Maggie Gyllenhaal and the likable and insensitive host Mr. Gervais.

There was not a really long list of worst-dressed, but there were a lot of mediocre looking stars. Here they are: Mickey Rourke, who is of no relation to me…praise the Lord. Diane Kruger, daughter of Freddy? Penelope Cruz, Julia Roberts, Kristen Bell, Mariah Carey and her bronzed, plastic chest (literally plastic-looking, like a D-cupped Barbie, boy you sure are lucky Nick Cannon), Nicole Kidman, sans her over-powdered face this time (guess that make-up artist was fired) and last but surely not least, the beautiful star of Avatar, Zoe Saldana. Sorry Zoe, but it looked like someone ripped your dress to shreds and then sewed it back together again, in less than two minutes. I wonder if it takes a lot of money to look that poor... I bet that gown was anything but cheap, nevertheless it was a hit and miss for Louis Vitton.

Gervais ended the night plugging The Ricky Gervais Show and wishing for “peace on Earth.”